I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
