My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
