I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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