do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
