Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
we made out on top of his cat.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
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