I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
