yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
