Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
