Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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