Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
