TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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