I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
