I will die if light touches me.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
