Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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