six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
