i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
