does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
