We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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