people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
