how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
