i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
