It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
