I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
