I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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