all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
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Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
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He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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