my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I need mimosas to revive my soul
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
