It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
