I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
