She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
