You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
