ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
