he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
