You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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