I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
