After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
