I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
