I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
