you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
