things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
