I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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