a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
