peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
