i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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