some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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