Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
