Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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