come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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