So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Randomize
