I showed him my bush... on skype.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
