you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
