So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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