So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
