My sheets look like a crime scene.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Randomize
