i just had sex bonerless
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
