i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
