i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
We got so high we made milksteak
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
