Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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