So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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