u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
