so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize
