The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
