You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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