You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
