eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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