i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
