Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
