Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
