I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
