i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
All the doctor said was why
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
