I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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