take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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