I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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