I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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