I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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