??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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