i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
