It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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