This dress was meant to end up on your floor
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
