they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
