I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
