i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
