I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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