i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
