I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
