No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
