When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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